I'm thinking of the past....its horrifying and sad thinking about it.
I was some mean ass. To everyone. From uni mates to families.
Even to the lady that i want to have a "Comfortable Perception" with. Also includes a couple of her best friends.
No wonder she doesnt likes me.
And the worst part on probaly why she doesnt likes me is:
I dont look like a tad bit of brad pitt and Edward Cullen (That gay fag in Twilight).
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
"Comfortable Perception"
As per previous posts, i'll eloborate more on the notion of "Comfortable Perception (CP)" in dick and pussies relationships. Yah, ive just finished watching one of Clint Eastwood's films. Id love how the way he pulls out words like "Fuck", "Fuck me", "Pussies" and "Dicks".
It took me over more than 5 mother fucking years of lonliness and heart breaks to understand the notion of CP.
I'll start with a recent real-case extreme scenario that involves me and my uncle.
My uncle, is in his 50's. Not married and had been single for so many donkey years. I once heard he had a gf before, but that was zions ago. For chirst sake, i dont want end up like him, for the guys..you and i both know what happends when you are single.......yes..u got it right...we tend to use our own comfort hand to satisfy our cravings or desires whenever and wherever when we need to. Heck, i dont wana end up with my own hands for the rest of my entire life. Hell no. This isnt the topic of the day thou.....
Whats important for today is, Uncle is old, no spouse, parents passed away long time ago, brother & sisters married with children, friends already married with children.
Now...what if he is struck with serious illness...or..gone broke because his old age renders him incapable of doing productive work....whos going to support him?
Friends?, remember his friends is already married, busy with childrens, who would reasonably only give a two fucks to lift their small fingers to give a helping hand to him. Parents? their already dead and gone.
Brothers and sisters? Again, they are married with their own family. Bringing my uncle under their care is like asking them to have an extra shitloads of burden to carry.
This is when CP comes into play. The sad thing is, you need a wife to have CP or the least a girlfriend/soulmate who would only be the only human being on earth who is willing to provide support.
So what does he do when he does not have a GF/ Wife to provide CP? Yes, he would try anything to gained new friends...scouting for potential candidates to provide CP for him. Friends on the other hand can provide CP, but at limited amounts and quality. Have to constantly persuade the candidate to make him/her feel like "hey,, i'm your best buddy, i;ll be there for you 100%, lets have coffee, ya know,.if you need help, just let me know, i;ll help you". And that candidate have to be single, who has not much attachements to commitments on other people..you know, young, single and has the capacity to produce income for the next 30 years.
Man, and ya know what? I'm beggining to feel i'm his candidate. He would call me every week, calling me out for movies, coffee, dinners, lunch, breakfasts...and recently proposed that me and him watch DVD's in his little couch at his home. Wherever we go, its both me and him ONLY. Fuck yeah, at first, i thought he was fucking gay....(he actually acts like one..i.e. VERY SISSY and sometimes acts girly).
After a few
Too bad, i have my own wounds and i want a CP from a normal relationship with the opposite sex. The ones that i would not have to rely on friends and family to provide me support as i age.
Another more obvious and clear cut example of CP in a relationship. This time it involves a typical example of my fellow classmates. At the mid twenties level.
As you all know, most of my fellow dicks classmates have a GF. One that would be their side almost 24/7. Eat, sleep, play, all the time their on side. They do not worry if they have no friends, or no family for support..like...hey..i'm alone..i have no mates around me, ok..i;ll call my GF, its either i;ll go find her or she comes and find me. Ya know that sort of thing..
I need some help on this shit...but fuck, i'm alone..but hey..i;ll call my gf to help me around with this....ya know that sort of thing..
I'm fucking pissed and sad..i need someone to talk to..but my mates Dick, Tom and Harry is busy fucking their GF's...but hey..i'll call my gf for a talk..maybe for a walk together..ya know..to cool me down and cheer me a little...that sort of thing ya know..
God, i'm so fucking bored..i dont feel like sleeping knowing that tomorrow i'll wake up feeling pissed because i know i'm gona spend the rest of my day tomorrow doing nothing and most importantly fucking lonely...but hey..i'll call my Gf and tell her to at least spend some time with me tomorrow...ya know..that sort of thing..
Oh geez, i feel like going for a holiday somewhere that has a beach...but fuck, my mates Tom,Dick and Harry are busy spending time with their own Gf's...but hey..i'll call my gf and tell her to accompany me..since shes on school holiays too..ya know that sort of thing...
There ya go...few examples of CP's illustrated above.....
and i havent talk in details about solving the using man's best hands to satisfy cravings whenever and wherever part.
Oh yah, my uncle, as mentioned above, which is in his early fifties, wants to watch Avatar with me in the very near future. Fuck.
It took me over more than 5 mother fucking years of lonliness and heart breaks to understand the notion of CP.
I'll start with a recent real-case extreme scenario that involves me and my uncle.
My uncle, is in his 50's. Not married and had been single for so many donkey years. I once heard he had a gf before, but that was zions ago. For chirst sake, i dont want end up like him, for the guys..you and i both know what happends when you are single.......yes..u got it right...we tend to use our own comfort hand to satisfy our cravings or desires whenever and wherever when we need to. Heck, i dont wana end up with my own hands for the rest of my entire life. Hell no. This isnt the topic of the day thou.....
Whats important for today is, Uncle is old, no spouse, parents passed away long time ago, brother & sisters married with children, friends already married with children.
Now...what if he is struck with serious illness...or..gone broke because his old age renders him incapable of doing productive work....whos going to support him?
Friends?, remember his friends is already married, busy with childrens, who would reasonably only give a two fucks to lift their small fingers to give a helping hand to him. Parents? their already dead and gone.
Brothers and sisters? Again, they are married with their own family. Bringing my uncle under their care is like asking them to have an extra shitloads of burden to carry.
This is when CP comes into play. The sad thing is, you need a wife to have CP or the least a girlfriend/soulmate who would only be the only human being on earth who is willing to provide support.
So what does he do when he does not have a GF/ Wife to provide CP? Yes, he would try anything to gained new friends...scouting for potential candidates to provide CP for him. Friends on the other hand can provide CP, but at limited amounts and quality. Have to constantly persuade the candidate to make him/her feel like "hey,, i'm your best buddy, i;ll be there for you 100%, lets have coffee, ya know,.if you need help, just let me know, i;ll help you". And that candidate have to be single, who has not much attachements to commitments on other people..you know, young, single and has the capacity to produce income for the next 30 years.
Man, and ya know what? I'm beggining to feel i'm his candidate. He would call me every week, calling me out for movies, coffee, dinners, lunch, breakfasts...and recently proposed that me and him watch DVD's in his little couch at his home. Wherever we go, its both me and him ONLY. Fuck yeah, at first, i thought he was fucking gay....(he actually acts like one..i.e. VERY SISSY and sometimes acts girly).
After a few
dates*coughs* outings with him..id thought he was really gay...*coughs*, most of the time in the car when me and him are alone..he would pat my middle part of my tigh, and my arms...*coughssssssss*....After a few deep thoughts......i'm fat and big...i was also trying to imagine that my bunghole aint prettyly fit for gays..lolx...he is just lonely......for a very fucking long time and wanted company.....and most importantly have that CP from me as a friend.
Too bad, i have my own wounds and i want a CP from a normal relationship with the opposite sex. The ones that i would not have to rely on friends and family to provide me support as i age.
Another more obvious and clear cut example of CP in a relationship. This time it involves a typical example of my fellow classmates. At the mid twenties level.
As you all know, most of my fellow dicks classmates have a GF. One that would be their side almost 24/7. Eat, sleep, play, all the time their on side. They do not worry if they have no friends, or no family for support..like...hey..i'm alone..i have no mates around me, ok..i;ll call my GF, its either i;ll go find her or she comes and find me. Ya know that sort of thing..
I need some help on this shit...but fuck, i'm alone..but hey..i;ll call my gf to help me around with this....ya know that sort of thing..
I'm fucking pissed and sad..i need someone to talk to..but my mates Dick, Tom and Harry is busy fucking their GF's...but hey..i'll call my gf for a talk..maybe for a walk together..ya know..to cool me down and cheer me a little...that sort of thing ya know..
God, i'm so fucking bored..i dont feel like sleeping knowing that tomorrow i'll wake up feeling pissed because i know i'm gona spend the rest of my day tomorrow doing nothing and most importantly fucking lonely...but hey..i'll call my Gf and tell her to at least spend some time with me tomorrow...ya know..that sort of thing..
Oh geez, i feel like going for a holiday somewhere that has a beach...but fuck, my mates Tom,Dick and Harry are busy spending time with their own Gf's...but hey..i'll call my gf and tell her to accompany me..since shes on school holiays too..ya know that sort of thing...
There ya go...few examples of CP's illustrated above.....
and i havent talk in details about solving the using man's best hands to satisfy cravings whenever and wherever part.
Oh yah, my uncle, as mentioned above, which is in his early fifties, wants to watch Avatar with me in the very near future. Fuck.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Trying to Forget
I'm trying to forget her. Its really hard trying to. Especially when she suddenly appears in reality out of the blue and most of the times poping out from my inner left, right, middle brain lube. Fuck.
This really sucks. The sucky feeling excerbated when one is in holiday mode and had just ended uni life. This is the time i believe like everyone else, including me, starts or continues mappig their journey in life. Unfortunately mine had to be also involved with a relationship with the opposite sex. I'm not so fortunate like my peers who have already founded their loved ones before graduation...you know, the ones that would provide a "comfortable perception" that their soul partners will be there for them whenever needed. I'll explain in more detail about this "comfortable perception"
It all started when she was curious about my crazy and terrying habits i had at the beggining of our 2nd year friendship.
She was asking "What is wrong, Thomas?". She analysed my situation, tools and products of my crazy habits. Out of embarssment, i tried to stop her from digging into futher information about my habits, but.. but...from that moment on..during this specific event..i truly saw her as an angel..one with a caring heart...as continues investigating my weird habit and offered me a few words of comfort. A comfort that seldom came from someone outside my family members.
From that moment onwards, and a few other events such as grouping together in an assigment and sometimes studying together side by side..my feeling towards her somehow magically grew. Double Fuck.
I was not really worried about my feelings towards her. Whether she had feelings for me or will she be my souldmate that would offer me this "comfortable perception" was not a worry back then. Heck, this was mainly because the next morning when i wake up, i am 100% assured that i'll see her at uni today, if not in class, then at library...otherwise i get to call her and whip up some lame excuse for the purpose of my call..ya know, excuses like, eh how do you do this in topic 5?, have you started/ completed on topic 6? These are the lame excuses that i will initially talk about when i call her and to end the conversation i will usually ask her what are you doing, how are you, ..and theres a bonus to phone calls because i get to end the conversation like this "Ok, i think i;ll just stop disturbing you...alright?...i'll see you tomorrow at uni...bye....(i love this part the most)..bye..good night..nights...bye...and nights..see ya.
Well, the past one or two weeks...my uni life just ended the moment i submitted my last piece of assessment. Poof! she no longer goes to uni. Poof! i no longer had reasons to call her. Double mother fucking Poof!!!! and i no longer see her everyday and no longer talk to her everyday......Seeing her and talking to her on the phone was as rare as your annual 3 days a year merry chinese new year celebration.
The worst part is,....................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................my feelings towards her didnt seem to somehow "poof!" ended during the past two weeks and my attemp(s) to take our friendship to the next level always fails. Failures indirectly showed from signs emmited by her that she wants other potential males except "muah" to be her soul mate.
This is sad.
Fucking sad and yah, i know i'm big fat ugly kid that girls will go "ewwwwwwww, whos that sick slob".
Fuck the world, and
Fuck u, and
Fuck everyone.
"I'm trying to forget her. Its really hard trying to. Especially when she suddenly appears in reality out of the blue and most of the times poping out from my inner left, right, middle brain lube. Fuck."
This really sucks. The sucky feeling excerbated when one is in holiday mode and had just ended uni life. This is the time i believe like everyone else, including me, starts or continues mappig their journey in life. Unfortunately mine had to be also involved with a relationship with the opposite sex. I'm not so fortunate like my peers who have already founded their loved ones before graduation...you know, the ones that would provide a "comfortable perception" that their soul partners will be there for them whenever needed. I'll explain in more detail about this "comfortable perception"
It all started when she was curious about my crazy and terrying habits i had at the beggining of our 2nd year friendship.
She was asking "What is wrong, Thomas?". She analysed my situation, tools and products of my crazy habits. Out of embarssment, i tried to stop her from digging into futher information about my habits, but.. but...from that moment on..during this specific event..i truly saw her as an angel..one with a caring heart...as continues investigating my weird habit and offered me a few words of comfort. A comfort that seldom came from someone outside my family members.
From that moment onwards, and a few other events such as grouping together in an assigment and sometimes studying together side by side..my feeling towards her somehow magically grew. Double Fuck.
I was not really worried about my feelings towards her. Whether she had feelings for me or will she be my souldmate that would offer me this "comfortable perception" was not a worry back then. Heck, this was mainly because the next morning when i wake up, i am 100% assured that i'll see her at uni today, if not in class, then at library...otherwise i get to call her and whip up some lame excuse for the purpose of my call..ya know, excuses like, eh how do you do this in topic 5?, have you started/ completed on topic 6? These are the lame excuses that i will initially talk about when i call her and to end the conversation i will usually ask her what are you doing, how are you, ..and theres a bonus to phone calls because i get to end the conversation like this "Ok, i think i;ll just stop disturbing you...alright?...i'll see you tomorrow at uni...bye....(i love this part the most)..bye..good night..nights...bye...and nights..see ya.
Well, the past one or two weeks...my uni life just ended the moment i submitted my last piece of assessment. Poof! she no longer goes to uni. Poof! i no longer had reasons to call her. Double mother fucking Poof!!!! and i no longer see her everyday and no longer talk to her everyday......Seeing her and talking to her on the phone was as rare as your annual 3 days a year merry chinese new year celebration.
The worst part is,....................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................my feelings towards her didnt seem to somehow "poof!" ended during the past two weeks and my attemp(s) to take our friendship to the next level always fails. Failures indirectly showed from signs emmited by her that she wants other potential males except "muah" to be her soul mate.
This is sad.
Fucking sad and yah, i know i'm big fat ugly kid that girls will go "ewwwwwwww, whos that sick slob".
Fuck the world, and
Fuck u, and
Fuck everyone.
"I'm trying to forget her. Its really hard trying to. Especially when she suddenly appears in reality out of the blue and most of the times poping out from my inner left, right, middle brain lube. Fuck."
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