I'm trying to forget her. Its really hard trying to. Especially when she suddenly appears in reality out of the blue and most of the times poping out from my inner left, right, middle brain lube. Fuck.
This really sucks. The sucky feeling excerbated when one is in holiday mode and had just ended uni life. This is the time i believe like everyone else, including me, starts or continues mappig their journey in life. Unfortunately mine had to be also involved with a relationship with the opposite sex. I'm not so fortunate like my peers who have already founded their loved ones before graduation...you know, the ones that would provide a "comfortable perception" that their soul partners will be there for them whenever needed. I'll explain in more detail about this "comfortable perception"
It all started when she was curious about my crazy and terrying habits i had at the beggining of our 2nd year friendship.
She was asking "What is wrong, Thomas?". She analysed my situation, tools and products of my crazy habits. Out of embarssment, i tried to stop her from digging into futher information about my habits, but.. but...from that moment on..during this specific event..i truly saw her as an angel..one with a caring heart...as continues investigating my weird habit and offered me a few words of comfort. A comfort that seldom came from someone outside my family members.
From that moment onwards, and a few other events such as grouping together in an assigment and sometimes studying together side by side..my feeling towards her somehow magically grew. Double Fuck.
I was not really worried about my feelings towards her. Whether she had feelings for me or will she be my souldmate that would offer me this "comfortable perception" was not a worry back then. Heck, this was mainly because the next morning when i wake up, i am 100% assured that i'll see her at uni today, if not in class, then at library...otherwise i get to call her and whip up some lame excuse for the purpose of my call..ya know, excuses like, eh how do you do this in topic 5?, have you started/ completed on topic 6? These are the lame excuses that i will initially talk about when i call her and to end the conversation i will usually ask her what are you doing, how are you, ..and theres a bonus to phone calls because i get to end the conversation like this "Ok, i think i;ll just stop disturbing you...alright?...i'll see you tomorrow at uni...bye....(i love this part the most)..bye..good night..nights...bye...and nights..see ya.
Well, the past one or two weeks...my uni life just ended the moment i submitted my last piece of assessment. Poof! she no longer goes to uni. Poof! i no longer had reasons to call her. Double mother fucking Poof!!!! and i no longer see her everyday and no longer talk to her everyday......Seeing her and talking to her on the phone was as rare as your annual 3 days a year merry chinese new year celebration.
The worst part is,....................................................................................................................................................................
...............................................................my feelings towards her didnt seem to somehow "poof!" ended during the past two weeks and my attemp(s) to take our friendship to the next level always fails. Failures indirectly showed from signs emmited by her that she wants other potential males except "muah" to be her soul mate.
This is sad.
Fucking sad and yah, i know i'm big fat ugly kid that girls will go "ewwwwwwww, whos that sick slob".
Fuck the world, and
Fuck u, and
Fuck everyone.
"I'm trying to forget her. Its really hard trying to. Especially when she suddenly appears in reality out of the blue and most of the times poping out from my inner left, right, middle brain lube. Fuck."
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Well honey, you gotta learn to hit them on the right spot.
ReplyDelete*Sorry, feeling a bit bitchy now.
Hahah:D
Cheer up Thomas. Everyone's been through that point of time. I know you have a million reasons and answers to retaliate but you need to look at things positively. God's not trying to screw you, eventhough I don believe in god.
It's just a matter of time. I understand that you've been through more than others do. But then again, it's a valuable lesson. One thing I know for sure is that, you'll value your partner sometime in future.
Well obviously in a social circle with limited friends like in school or university, it's hard for us to meet someone that would like us the way we like them. It's very easy to fall for someone but very hard for them to fall for us. Try expanding your circle, going out more, meeting more people. By numbers and chance you'll surely meet somemore that would feel the same way about you.
ReplyDeleteShe's still fresh in your memory because it hasn't been that long of time since you left university. As time goes on, she'll surely be gone from your memories, albeit slowly sometimes.
I do think that at the end of the day, looks aren't that important to people. People might be drawn by only looks by the beginning, but as the relationship goes on, personality differences will cause them to break apart no matter how good both of them look. You're a great guy with a great personality, I'm sure you can find your special someone someday. Don't look down on yourself, have some confidence. =)